Monday, 23 November 2009

Out of Time

I have been intending to tell you all about my busy busy week, but I've been so busy I haven't had time. Having said that, I have been so busy that I have just spent an hour reading Soule Mama's Blog dreaming and feeling very inadequate.

Soule Mama is someone I aspire to be. I would like nothing better than to lead a bohemian existance, crafting, creating and being the earth mother to my earthy children. I cannot imagine Soule Mama ever raises her voice or gets angry. It's not like that in my house.

I swear I am going to die of a heart attack before I am 50 (and the fact that my mother has just been diagnosed with angina doesn't help). If I go ONE day without screaming, it's a good day. I wish I was serene, but I'm not. I am highly strung. I even wind myself up! It seems to be a female trait in this house, as my daughter is following in her mothers well trodden path. Fortunately I can see that she seems to be more clone than chip off the old block and have been teaching her strategies to calm herself down and de stress. She is only 8 but about a year ago started to go through the 'change' early and became mostly hysterical, and sometimes just angry. I have to say that I did the calm understanding nurturing thing (which didn't work) and then gave up and gave her an ultimatum (stop now, no one wants to hear it type thing) (which did work). She has been much better since then, only occasionally slipping back into the hysteria.

So consequently this is not a calm oasis. I would like it if it is, but I feel I am mostly responsible for the overall ambiance of my household. I have never been a calm person. I am emotional and as such everyday is a rollercoaster. I feel things in an outwards fashion, and project my emotion outwards. If I didn't I would explode quite spectacularly.

So, Soule Mama, I will continue to follow your beautiful blog, and continue to aspire to be more serene. I can't promise anything, but I haven't shouted today. Yet.

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